Submission in a relationship is one of the most misunderstood concepts in modern dating. Many hear the word and immediately think of weakness, control, or even oppression. But what if submission isn’t about giving up power, but about knowing when to trust, when to lead, and when to lean into the dynamic of a healthy, balanced relationship?
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What Does It Mean to Be Submissive in a Relationship?
True submission is not about losing yourself; it’s about understanding roles, trust, and emotional intelligence. It’s the willingness to allow a partner to lead in areas where they are strong while maintaining mutual respect. As Sir Anthony put it in our recent podcast episode:
“My preference is someone that is supportive of the things that I’m doing and the decisions that I’m making for the household… Someone who listens—not listens to respond, but genuinely listens.”
This doesn’t mean silence. It means discernment. It means knowing when to share your thoughts and when to trust your partner’s leadership. It’s about strength, not passivity.
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Is Submission One-Sided?
The best relationships function on mutual submission—both partners yielding to each other in different ways. Even Nicola Brooks-Williamson, author of Are You Strong Enough to Be Submissive?, acknowledges that submission isn’t about blind obedience:
“You have to trust that your partner has your happiness and welfare at the forefront of their decision-making… If you don’t trust a leader, then how can you follow?”
Submission should always come from a place of trust, not fear. If your partner’s leadership lacks wisdom, accountability, or respect, then submission turns into servitude. That’s not love. That’s control.
What Does Submission Look Like in a Relationship?
Submission is a choice, not a requirement. It might look like:
- Trusting your partner’s decisions when they have the expertise.
- Supporting their vision for your relationship while ensuring your own needs are met.
- Knowing when to step back and allow your partner to take the lead.
Relationship counselor Christiana Njoku notes:
“It doesn’t matter who earns more… Giving the respect that your partner deserves is a way of showing your love.”
It’s about respecting each other’s strengths rather than competing for control.
Feminine Submission & Masculine Leadership
In The Feminine Woman, Renee Wade discusses how submission, when paired with a high-value masculine man, enhances intimacy and connection:
“Being submissive can bring more passion, strength, and life to a healthy relationship. That’s IF your submissiveness is received by a man with love and respect.”
Not every man is ready to lead. A submissive woman does not submit to just any man. She submits to a man who has earned that role through character, consistency, and wisdom. If a man expects submission without accountability, he isn’t a leader—he’s a dictator.
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Does Submission Mean Silence?
Absolutely not. As Sir Anthony and I debated in our podcast, there’s a difference between listening to understand and listening to respond. Sir Anthony explains, “Sometimes, you just take that in… It doesn’t deserve a response. Just listen.”
Submission isn’t about losing your voice; it’s about using it wisely.
“But when it’s something that comes for my character as a woman, I’m going to respond. I value your opinion, but I need you to see me clearly.”
Submission & Emotional Intimacy
At the core of submission is deep emotional trust. Without open, vulnerable conversations, submission can feel one-sided. That’s where tools like The Icebreakers and Beyond Dating conversation cards come in. These games encourage couples to ask deep, thought-provoking questions about their values, expectations, and emotional needs.
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- Beyond Dating: For committed couples ready to deepen their emotional intimacy.
Submission Is a Strength, Not a Weakness
The strongest women I know are the ones who know when to lead and when to follow. Submission isn’t about servitude—it’s about trust, balance, and deep connection.
If you want a relationship that thrives on mutual respect, honest communication, and intentional love, start with understanding each other.
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References
- Brooks-Williamson, N. (2024). Are You Strong Enough to Be Submissive? Outlish Magazine. Retrieved from Outlish Magazine
- Wade, R. (2024). How to Be Submissive in a Relationship. The Feminine Woman – Dating, Love & Relationship Advice for Women. Retrieved from The Feminine Woman
- Njoku, C., & Smith, S. (2024). How to Be Submissive in a Relationship: 21 Practical Ways. Marriage.com. Retrieved from Marriage.com
- Chrissy A. & Sir Anthony (2025). Can Modern Women Be Submissive? Pure Intentions Podcast, Season 2, Episode 4. Retrieved from YouTube
