Marriage isn’t just about love; it’s built on fundamental pillars that sustain and grow the bond. For couples seeking lasting connections, advice grounded in trust, communication, and shared values is invaluable. This guide compiles the best marriage advice from experts and real couples, focusing on six essential pillars of a healthy relationship: trust, commitment, communication, intimacy, family, and finances. Whether it’s advice for newlyweds or those dating with intentions to build a healthy marriage, these insights offer guidance for a fulfilling partnership.
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Trust
The Foundation of All Relationships
Trust is the cornerstone of any successful marriage. It’s built over time through consistent honesty and reliability, creating a safe space where both partners feel secure and valued.
Be Open and Transparent: Honest communication about feelings, plans, and expectations builds a strong trust foundation. Avoid withholding information, as small secrets can lead to larger issues down the line. Transparency about your daily life, goals, and even small challenges makes it easier to rely on each other.
Discuss Boundaries Early: Every couple should talk openly about what they consider acceptable and what might cross the line. Boundaries protect the relationship from misunderstandings and ensure both partners feel respected. By discussing boundaries early on, you avoid potential conflicts and foster a safe environment.
Rely on Each Other in Crises: Trust is tested during difficult times, and how partners support each other in these moments can either strengthen or weaken the relationship. Being a steady, reliable presence during tough moments reinforces the feeling that you can depend on one another, no matter what.
Avoid Harboring Secrets: Secrets, even seemingly small ones, can erode trust over time. A healthy marriage values openness and vulnerability, so keeping any secrets – about finances, friendships, or worries – can create distance. Instead, prioritize open discussions about any concerns.
Practice Forgiveness: Trust also means understanding that everyone makes mistakes. Forgiveness is essential for building trust, as it shows that you’re willing to move past issues instead of holding onto resentment. Forgiving each other quickly and genuinely paves the way for a stronger bond.
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Commitment
Staying Committed Through Highs and Lows
Marriage commitment is more than just staying together; it’s about being present for each other and working toward a shared future, even when things get tough.
Remember Why You Got Married: When times get difficult, recalling why you fell in love and committed to each other can help reinforce your commitment. This reflection keeps the foundation of your relationship solid, reminding you of your shared history and the love that brought you together.
Make Sacrifices When Needed: Marriage sometimes means putting your partner’s needs before your own (however, this is not indefinite). This might involve changing your routine, priorities, or even career for the sake of the relationship. True commitment includes selflessness and the willingness to compromise for each other.
Uphold Wedding Vows: Many couples find it helpful to reflect on the vows they made during their wedding. Revisiting these vows periodically can serve as a reminder of the promises you made to each other, reinforcing the commitment to maintain love, respect, and support.
Find Joy in Mutual Goals: Whether it’s a shared financial goal, travel plan, or personal growth objective, working toward something together strengthens commitment. These goals foster a sense of partnership and give you something to look forward to, keeping the relationship engaging.
Stay Focused on Long-Term Plans: While everyday life can get busy, taking the time to plan for your future together – from financial investments to family plans – creates a shared vision that reinforces commitment. When you both know where you’re heading, you’ll have a solid reason to keep moving forward together.
Communication
The Lifeblood of a Successful Marriage
Effective communication allows couples to understand each other’s needs, resolve conflicts, and build a deeper connection. Relationship expert Rachel Reider states, “Unspoken expectations are a massive source of conflict.” Couples should openly communicate their expectations to prevent resentment. The Icebreakers Cards are designed to prompt discussions about values and boundaries, helping couples establish and maintain open communication.
Practice Active Listening: Active listening means giving your partner your full attention when they’re speaking. Rather than listening to respond, listen to understand their perspective. This habit creates a feeling of being valued and understood, which is essential for a healthy relationship.
Avoid Blaming: When discussing difficult topics, approach them without assigning blame. Instead, focus on expressing how you feel and discussing solutions. This approach reduces defensiveness and fosters a sense of teamwork.
Validate Feelings: It’s important to acknowledge and respect your partner’s emotions, even if you don’t fully agree with their viewpoint. Validating their feelings shows empathy, making it easier to move past disagreements and build understanding.
Schedule Time for Meaningful Talks: Busy schedules often make it difficult to have in-depth conversations, so setting aside regular time to talk can keep communication lines open. Whether it’s a weekly check-in or a nightly debrief, having a routine for communication reinforces its importance.
Ask Questions with Curiosity: Instead of making assumptions, ask your partner questions to understand them better. Curiosity in communication opens the door to honest discussions and shows genuine interest in their thoughts and feelings, making them feel valued.
Intimacy
Creating and Sustaining Closeness
Intimacy isn’t only about physical connection; it’s also about emotional closeness and vulnerability. Keeping intimacy alive fosters a deep sense of connection.
Create a Safe Space for Emotions: Emotional intimacy is often cultivated through vulnerability. Create an environment where both of you feel safe to share feelings, fears, and dreams without judgment. This openness builds a deep sense of closeness.
Prioritize Emotional Connection: Physical intimacy is important, but nurturing an emotional connection is essential. Spend time together without distractions, engage in activities you both enjoy, and make an effort to understand each other’s emotional needs. Our dating games can help in this area!
Engage in Regular Bonding Activities: Activities like going for walks, cooking together, or sharing a hobby can strengthen your bond. Regularly engaging in these activities helps you connect beyond the daily routine and deepens the friendship within your marriage.
Keep the Romance Alive: Small romantic gestures go a long way. Surprise each other with thoughtful gifts, plan date nights, or simply leave a loving note. These gestures remind you both of the love and appreciation you share.
Address Intimacy Issues Openly: If there are challenges in physical or emotional intimacy, address them without judgment. By being open about your needs and concerns, you can work together to find solutions that make both of you feel satisfied and valued.
Nurture Physical Intimacy: Sexual connection can be an important aspect of closeness, fostering trust and emotional bonding. Prioritize open conversations about desires and boundaries to ensure a fulfilling and respectful experience for both partners.
Family
Building a Supportive Family Environment
While marriage is between two people, family dynamics can play a role in marital satisfaction. Navigating family relationships together strengthens unity.
Discuss Parenting Goals and Values: If you have or plan to have children, align on parenting approaches, values, and expectations. This shared understanding strengthens your partnership and ensures a cohesive, supportive family environment.
Establish Boundaries: It’s important to set boundaries with extended family to ensure your relationship remains a priority. Discuss these boundaries together so you’re on the same page, making family dynamics less stressful.
Support Each Other’s Families: Even if your partner’s family isn’t easy to get along with, supporting each other’s family relationships demonstrates respect. Showing an interest in their family can strengthen your bond.
Foster Harmony: If conflicts arise with family members, handle them as a team. Approach family challenges with empathy and try to find solutions that respect everyone involved. Family harmony supports a peaceful marriage environment.
Prioritize Each Other Over External Family Issues: While family is important, remember that your marriage comes first. Make decisions that benefit both of you and protect your relationship, even when navigating family-related stress.
Manage Extended Family Expectations: Families may have expectations around holidays, gatherings, or children. Openly discuss these with your partner and come to a mutual agreement on how to handle them in a way that keeps your relationship balanced.
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Finances
Managing Money Together
Financial alignment is essential in marriage, as financial stress is a common cause of tension. Working together on finances ensures transparency and shared responsibility.
Discuss Financial Priorities: Take time to understand each other’s financial values and priorities. By aligning on goals like savings, spending, and investments, you create a shared financial vision for the future.
Save for Future Goals: Setting financial goals, like saving for a home or retirement, gives you both something to work towards. This shared responsibility encourages teamwork and strengthens your partnership.
Communicate Openly About Spending: Money can be a sensitive topic, so establishing a routine for discussing finances can prevent misunderstandings. Open communication helps both partners feel informed and respected.
Plan for Children’s Financial Needs: If you have or plan to have children, discussing their financial needs early on helps you avoid stress later. Agreeing on education, health, and other child-related expenses ensures you’re prepared.
Have Separate and Joint Accounts If Needed: Some couples find it beneficial to have both joint and individual accounts. This structure allows for shared expenses and personal spending freedom, balancing joint responsibilities and individual autonomy.
Strengthen Your Marriage with Intentional Effort
Building a successful marriage requires effort, respect, and shared values. By prioritizing trust, commitment, communication, intimacy, family, and finances, you’re laying the foundation for a marriage that can withstand life’s challenges. Remember, marriage is a journey; embracing these pillars can lead to a fulfilling and lasting connection.
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References
- Reddit – What is your best piece of marriage advice? Source: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/
- Wespath Benefits & Investments – 10 Tips for a Healthy Marriage. Source: https://www.wespath.org/
- University of Rochester Medical Center – The Keys to a Successful Marriage. Source: https://www.urmc.rochester.edu/
- Adventure & Vow – Marriage advice from couples in a happy, long-lasting marriage. Source: https://adventureandvow.com/
- Stephen Walker Photography – Marriage Advice From Those That Know!. Source: https://www.stewalkerphotography.com/
- Healthline – The Best Marriage Advice We’ve Ever Received. Source: https://www.healthline.com/
- Mark Manson – Relationship Advice from Over 1,500 Happily Married Couples. Source: https://markmanson.net/
- Brides – 27 Best Relationship Tips from Marriage Experts. Source: https://www.brides.com/
- University of Rochester – Advice for a Good Marriage. Source: https://www.urmc.rochester.edu/
- BuzzFeed – People Are Sharing Advice For A Successful Marriage. Source: https://www.buzzfeed.com/